My pooping old dog

I'm not going to gross you out with a picture of this. I am just going to tell you my dogs' pooping story.

Romeo, my beloved Dalmatian is getting up in the years now. He's 13. For many years I always wondered if he pooped at all. He used to be very careful about where he went. It reminded me of the stereotype "Girls don't poop." Like I said now he's older. I see him poop all the time. It's weird because he's always smiling when he's pooping. Not that I don't smile everytime I take a dump too. The funny thing is he doesn't care about hiding and pooping any more. With winter approaching I hope he at least makes it off the deck!

Sorry I haven't posting but...

Monkey Kick Off

Broke

Media!

Let me tell you about the story of John and why he was at the bar. You might know John from the over the limit under arrest commercial.

See John was at home watch TV. When he saw he could get some play if his hair wasn't gray with "just for men." So he picked some up. He was watching some more TV and saw smiling Bob. He though he had to get himself some of that. While waiting for his wiener pills he saw and ad for cialis to help him with his problem. Now that he had all of his crap together he went to the bar. He was having a good time. He noticed an attractive woman and decided to put some smooth moves on her. Which led him to the bathroom. After that was over John felt pretty good and decided to go to another bar. Which on his way there he gets pulled over.

John is now out of jail and back at his house. Unfortunately for John he forgot to watch the Trojan commercial. Now John has to go to the doctor. He asks, "What's wrong with me doc?"
"You've never seen a commercial for Valtrex", he responds.

The problem in America is that we buy to much crap without thinking. Ask yourself if you really need the thing before you buy it.

The bible of gay marriage

I was reading some forums about gay marriage and what-not. I find it surprising at how people hate on it. Some even go so far as to say its okay for women, but not for men. Why is this? You think from watching movies that all lesbians are hot? Sorry, but they range from hot to fugly. Just like straight people!

Its a highly debated thing I suppose. When you get people using the bible as a reference to define marriage as man and woman. First off, I have read the entire bible. No! I am not religious either. I don't care either way. If you want to believe. That's up to you. If you don't believe. That's fine by me too. When reading anything its always how you perceive thing to be. This is the way I see it. I am not going to look it up to find out what was actually written before and after.

Back in the day it was okay to marry young. By that I mean people were marrying girls who haven't even hit puberty yet. They could have been referring to the fact people were marrying to young. That a marriage should consist of a man and a woman. Not a man and a child.

Like I said I didn't look this up to see what is written before and after. For all I know they could be mad at people trying to marry their livestock. So they put this in there to set the record straight. If they wanted to make sure that gay people wouldn't be able to marry. They should have included the following in the 10 commandments:

1. Thou shall not convent thine neighbors wiener.
2. Thou shall not touch anyones wiener, but thine own.
3. If thou is a man. Thou shall marry a woman or thou shall not collect $200 or pass go.
4. Same sex unions shall not be accepted at drive through wedding chapels.

I perceive things were put in the bible the same way that legislation is passed. They write about something that has a weak basis and tie it to something that has a strong one. The same way crappy legislation get passed. You tie it to something that has to get passed because it helpful to everyone. Then you tack on a bunch of crap to make money. You have to pass the big bill, so the crap goes with it!

I have no problem with same sex marriages. It has no personal effect on me. Its not like they're having their honeymoon in the back seat of your car when your driving to work! We live in America! We have freedom, but no money, jobs, houses, etc. We have bigger fish to fry than gay marriage!

If you live in a small town

I was born in a small town of 13,000 people or so. Now I live in a small town of about 400 some odd people. Living in a small town is okay, but also sucks. I made a list of things to let you know if your living in a small town.

1. You know everyone by name. I am not talking about the people, but their dogs.
   
   
2. People refer to you as grandson or granddaughter of...
   
   
3. You can see the stars at night.
   
   
4. When someone asks where you're from. You tell them the name of the biggest city near you and they still say "Where?"
   
   
5. Everything is 10 times as expensive as the next town over. Little or no competition. One gas station means high gas prices if you want to leave town.
   
   
6. Right a 10:00pm everyday it turns into a ghost town.
   
   
7. When you have a child. The towns population spikes by at least 5%
   
   
8. Its dangerous to walk around. Not because of muggers or anything. It's just that people don't seem to shut up. You may get stuck listening to the longest story of your life 5 times in a row before you get where you're going.
   
   
9. Even though its against the law. They still secretly let you smoke inside of bars.
   
   
10. You can actually here yourself walking around town.

I hope this crap is easier to read!

Last time I monkey around with this crap. I was getting pissed at trying to read it myself. Not enough space. Fixed it! More readable? Anyway I would have posted something other than this, but some stupid assh*le didn't come pick up this sheet metal I am trying to sell. I'll be there at 4:00pm. Yeah right! Never showed up! The thing weighs 300+ pounds. I guess if he comes tomorrow I will find out how strong he is. I don't really want to start the bobcat and help him. I guess I could charge him extra! I love craigslist! I keep getting the people who never show up!
Good Night! Spell check craigslist:grisliest,crackliest, and grizzliest! Truly outstanding!

I need spell check!

I am sorry readers for I can't give you my best ideas. I keep trying to save them, but my brain won't allow me to. They come at a time when I am not really conscious or sleeping. I can't write them down because I need to sleep. Once my brain gets going it doesn't seem to stop! (once I develop an interest in something I don't stop) I would like to post more often, but I have terrible addictions...

Manga and Mahjong solitaire . If I get into reading a manga I won't stop until its done. Some of them can be very long. I do the same thing with books, but I haven't found one lately to peak my interest. I love to play mahjong. I could play that game for hours on end. I'm obsessed with beating my fastest time, which is 58 seconds.

Where does the spell check fit in? Good question! I recently found out that I am either retarded, a genius, or have a tumor. It seems that if I don't pay attention to what I am typing. I will go off and type things backwards. If I write something really long it takes me awhile to proof read and check spelling. I like commenting on other blogs! I am just afraid to misspell anything. I need spell check! Might I add, I am a perfectionist. I can't seem to turn it off all the time. Some things bother me and some don't. So I just don't get it! I like my things to be a certain way, but I will go to the store looking like a bum. Probably the number one reason I get followed around every store. "Keep your eye on that bum trying to steal stuff!" Just because my jeans are ripped and my shirt looks like I just got down changing the oil in my car. Doesn't mean I am going to steal anything. Look at my hands! They are spotless and the nails are neatly trimmed. Life is just weird like that.

Coolest cell phone ever!

Forget the iPhone, G1, and Blackberry. What you need is one of these stylish phones.

The infamous Portable Rotary Phone is an original rotary phone that has been modified to be a cellular phone. The Port-O-Rotary has a functional rotary dial, rings the original, loud metallic bells when a call is received, and even has a dial tone!

Phone comes fully assembled and tested. All you have to do is open the phone, insert your SIM card, and turn the unit on! The unit will utilize your phone number and account minutes. The internal cellular module works within any country that has one of the 900MHz, 1800MHz, or 1900MHz cellular bands (90% of the world). The Port-O-Rotary is truly international with up to 15-digit dialing, auto-frequency selection, '+' characters, and PIN # entry for pre-paid cards.
Each Port-O-Rotary is an original rotary phone that has been specially modified. There may be small scratches and scraps on the exterior, also known as 'character'. The battery can run the phone for 4-5 days (yes days) and is charged by an external jack on the rear of the phone (charger included).

Can be yours for $199.95 I might just have to buy one of these things. Imagine walking around talking to people on one of these. That would be funny as hell!